Our AzusaNow Baby

  It was just over a week ago today that we went to the hospital for our very last checkup.  We had a due date of April 1st. With time ticking and getting closer to 42 weeks, we were starting to consider inducing but still praying for a spontaneous labor and a natural childbirth.  Your heart gets hit with a flood of emotions in moments like these, where you want to hold onto your faith for something and yet do not want to make your personal faith a greater issue than the health and safety of your child.

 Our appointment consisted of getting a biophysical profile ultrasound to determine the state of our now “post-term” pregnancy. So, moments before the midwife comes into the room with the results, I (Nate) tell my wife, "Zuri is coming, God's got this. I feel a peace on that, no matter what comes through the door....in fact, a lot of knowledge-based thinking is about to come into this room."  We both felt a peace and a knowing, regarding the exact timing that we would meet our sweet baby girl. 

   Just a minute later enters a midwife - not our regular.  While she was certainly just doing her job, she lists off a bunch of reasons why she believed we needed to suddenly induce as soon as possible, including a finding on the ultrasound that showed that the amniotic fluid level was dangerously low.  We appreciated the concern but frankly did not appreciate her manor of delivery. We did not like the fear-based method of communication she was using.  We went back and forth with her a bit, and finally requested to meet with our regular midwife. We met our midwife and discussed our concerns about inducing. She was able to better explain our situation, but left time and room for us to make our own informed decision so we went home for a couple hours to pray and talk it over.

  Long story short, we go home, we pray, we rest, we shower, and I pack our bags into the car.  What was very interesting to me was the only real prayer I could say was, "I am ready to meet my daughter.” We also knew that there were others praying and interceding for us. We came to the conclusion to go to the hospital at least to be monitored overnight. We had hopes that there was something we could do to get the fluid level up enough to avoid inducing. One of our biggest concerns with inducing was the state my wife’s cervix, knowing it was not yet in an optimal state for an induction. When we arrived to the hospital around eight o’clock that evening, the nurses explained they were expecting us hours ago. Before they admitted us, we wanted to talk to our midwife one more time about the hopes of only being monitored and given fluids. She felt strongly the least we should do was start to get Brittany’s cervix to an optimal state.

  I (Brittany) was only 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced Friday the week prior, and I was in the exact same state one week later as we were admitted to the hospital. By 11:00pm, I had received the first dose of what was going to  hopefully “soften my cervix”. The plan outlined before us was to repeat that at 3:00am and then if there was no progression a foley bulb would be placed to force my cervix to start to dilate before any other drugs were given to induce. One thing I knew was that I did not want to experience a “Pitocin birth”. So I prayed.

  Throughout my entire pregnancy there were a lot of prayers. Mainly surrendering prayers. The whole experience of being pregnant made me realize that I was not in control. I knew that my daughter was being formed inside me not because of something I controlled, and I knew that my daughter would come into the world on an appointed day that again I had no control over. I had no other option but to trust and believe God for every detail, and I trusted he heard my prayers and knew my heart’s desire.

  I did not sleep much that night so I repeatedly listened to the delivery confessions and encouragement that I recorded myself speaking months prior. I had a dear friend hand me a book, Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize, which changed my perspective on childbirth and was very helpful in preparing my mind for an unmedicated childbirth. At 2:58am on April 9th, I record this entry in my notes:

“I feel a divine alignment in the spirit taking place. I feel connected with the prayers of the saints. Not just the prayers of those in Oklahoma, but I feel joined together with the prayers of the hundreds of thousands of saints praying for the move of God for Azusa Now, happening today. I feel as though I’ve/ we’ve entered a carrying place where we will be the recipients of supernatural miracles… including a supernatural labor and delivery. Amen.”

  Moments later, the nurse and midwife enter my room to check me. Not much had happened. I was only 2 cm dilated and maybe 60% effaced with no real change in the contractions I had been having. Nevertheless, I knew what I just felt in my heart, and I knew that although it did not look like it, something was happening. 

  Close to 7:00am, our midwife told me to order breakfast, take a shower, and go outside for a walk. We had no problem with those suggestions. We ordered breakfast; I took a long, hot  shower, and then we decided to go to the rooftop for a walk. I start to notice while we were outside that I could not walk without stopping because of a sudden increase in the intensity of contractions so our walk was short lived. Breakfast had arrived to our room, but I had no appetite. What I did have was back labor and more contractions; I kept thinking this has to be good. By 8:30am, I was checked again. This time I was 5cm dilated and 90% effaced. By 10:40am, I progressed to a 7/8 in which as soon as the nurse left the room my water broke and soon after I felt the urge to push. The nurses quickly returned to the room, this time with my midwife. She checked me and I was completely effaced and completely dilated.

  (Nate Again)…And then the miracle starts.  The miracle of my wife, who went into straight-up beast mode.  I can't begin to express how proud of her I am, how proud I was, in that moment.  She took in the advice of the staff and yet really stuck to her guns in wanting a natural childbirth.  It was something she literally spent months in prayer for.  She spent time making specific prophetic declarations over herself and over our child.  I believe that prayer was so much of what God used to bring forth her hearts desire.

  

 God was good, because by 11:22am, just under 3 hours in active labor, sweet Zuri Li Sanow came into the world!!! With no further intervention, no pain medication, the natural childbirth that I (Brittany) had hoped and prayed for actually happened. I was able to feel and trust that my body knew what it was created to do and yield to that feeling as I brought my daughter into this world. There is no other feeling like it.

  The really fun part for me (Nate) about this was the epiphany Brittany and I had the night before.  A lot of our friends around the country were gearing up for something called AzusaNow.  It was the 110 year anniversary of the "Azusa Outpouring" something that many Christians in America say is when God brought the gifts, anointing, and power of the Spirit to the American Church for the 20th century.  It was a movement in 1906 lead by William Seymour, who arguably was not fully honored or given total respect at the time due to the fact that he was African-American, the son of a slave, and these were still segregated, racist days in America's History.  Yet, for such a time, God raised him up and most of the Pentecostal branches of the American Church have some heritage from that movement.  

  Fast forward to April 9, 2016, thousands of American's returned to LA to pray.  Healing was such a significant focus of the prayers, both for reconciliation in America's continued issues with racism and even for physical healing in many people.  The reports were that many miracles took place, as well as, the delivery of many accurate prophetic words given to those that needed a word from God.  It was a great day for the Church.

  And it was a great day for the Sanow home!  If you haven't caught this yet, please humor me as I try to show you the crazy "coincidental" spelling of both AzusaNow, and Zuri Sanow, with the same letters in her name in caps

for effect:

On 4.9.16, there was AZUSANOW  (you see our last name, Sanow, in the second part?)

and we had a daughter

A...ZUri SANOW....

  Coincidence????  We think not.  Furthermore, her mother and I named her Zuri Li, which means "beautiful healer."  Not only did God bring her into the world in perfect timing, but He brought forth a healing movement into our country at the same exact time.  If I were pessimistic or doubtful I would try to rationalize this and say that we are "just looking for it.” But as believers in Jesus we are completely convinced that Zuri Li Sanow came into this world for such a time as this!  When God gives you a sign this clear, my honest hope is simply that I do not screw it up.  Clearly, He loved my daughter before we did.  My greatest prayer now is that we simply help her find all that He has in store for her, which is clearly, really going to be amazing!

Dear Daughter, it's Daddy

My Dearest Zuri Li,

It's me, your Daddy.

You are currently inside your Mommy, and we are both so ready to meet you!  You should be here any minute, if you make your mind up on when you want to come!  We had thought it would be Friday.  We even thought it would be on my birthday.  Or on the same day as one of your cousins, another sweet girl who was in her Mom the same time as you.

I am writing because I think that as your Daddy it's kinda up to me to help you find your way.  Not that I am solely responsible, but I take full responsibility as your father to help you find yourself in the defining moments of the foundation of your life.  It's hard to describe, like an intangible energy in my heart toward you.

 I want for your heart to be super secure, at peace, and at rest.  From the get-go.  I've prayed for you, a lot.  Your mom has too.  I've prayed over you and, shoot man I think I've even prayed with you.  Your Mommy and I have both stretched out our hands to her stomach and spoken over you.  One of the things I have prayed over you often is how I never, ever want you to ever feel like you have to earn love, or do anything to be accepted.  Our prayer is that you will live in a home of complete, unconditional love, and that from the earliest age possible you will really understand  that you already are beloved, so dear to us, and you haven't done anything to earn it.  My prayer is that I can represent your true, eternal Father, and by the grace of God demonstrate Who and how He is toward you.

I believe the importance of those prayers, and creating a culture in our home for you of unconditional love, is perhaps the most important thing we can do.  Here in the year 2016 we live in a time where entire generations are competing for attention, affection, and love by any means necessary.  It hits both male and female, but for some reason my heart hurts increasingly when a young woman doesn't really know who she is and tries her hardest to be defined in a way that actually increases her brokenness.  Some try to wear less clothing and to show their bodies, hoping that the attention from their skin and their shape will sooth the wounds of their soul.  Some get into really sad, even abusive relationships just hoping to keep the tank of their heart full, despite knowing who they are with is not really good for them at that time.  In fact what gets me really worked up is how messed up men can be toward women, there are certain men who will treat a woman like a piece of property; and sadly despite all the advancement for woman's rights many girls will still dress and act the part because they feel they at least get some attention.  This horrible cycle only ends up breaking men, and sometimes broken men and women end up breaking their kids.

Your Mommy and I want to raise you in such a way where you will always know who you are and who's you are.  I'm actually going to have to practice restraint in how often I tell you how beautiful and pretty you are, because if you get any of your looks from your Mom you are going to be gorgeous.  I'm already investing into a shot-gun collection to interview your future boyfriends (I kid.  You're just going to date me, and Jesus, fyi.  OK, ok.  I kid again).  HOWEVER, I don't want you to start to think that your outer beauty defines you, or that you have to do ANYTHING regarding how you LOOK to be considered beautiful.

When it comes to your beauty, I hope we teach you that it's really on the inside, despite how outwardly pretty you likely will be.  We hope to bring you to a well within you of perpetual beauty, as you encounter the infinite and abundant love of God.  And we hope to teach you that your beauty and our love for you is not even based on your behavior, as if you could be nice enough or obey us enough for us to love you.  It's simply in being  and knowing who you are, and who's you are.  Nothing is more beautiful than someone who fully and freely knows how to receive and give love away.

 I'm guessing we are going to have to discipline you, although I've been told by some that I'm going to spoil you.  That actually makes me sad because in a few cases I feel like that was said by someone who was surprised by how much I want to be involved in your life.  The truth is, a lot of dad's are absent, either physically or emotionally, from the life of their kids.  It's the sad, sad world we are bringing you into.  The only way I know to start to break this curse is to begin to fully be available for you, and for you to know, starting now, that you are so completely, fully, and unconditionally loved.

At the end of the day, I'm actually going to get all this wrong.  Which is why we also hope to raise you to really know Who's you are.  That you belong to another Father, Who is Father to us all.  In fact, my own Dad went home to heaven to meet Him almost 4 years ago now, and in that time I had to ask Him to adopt me.  He has done so, and taught me a lot about what it means to be His son.  Now, as His son, I have the incredible opportunity before me to be your Daddy.  I know a little bit now about what the absence of a father can do to someones heart, even though I was 29 and had a fairly good amount of years with my dad until he was gone from this earth.   It is my hope that I am able to be with you much longer, in fact I want to stick around until you are a granny one day, maybe even a great granny.  But no matter what, what you really need to know is that you have a Father God, who richly, deeply, and permanently loves you.  It's already a fact, it's unconditional, and it's really unbelievable.

Your Mom and I named you Zuri Li because it means "beautiful healer."  Even as I write to you my own heart heals up, as I embrace to call of God on my life to be your Daddy.  God actually spoke to me about you in this regard before you were here, but that is a story for another day.  I'm sure in the coming years I'll tell you a lot of stories including that one.

For now, sweet baby girl, hurry up and get here so we can start loving you, and pointing you to Jesus and His infinite, perfect love that is just for you!

What's a Sanow?

This blog exists for us to tell our story as a family.  I am going to be a father any day, any minute now, and creating a blog seemed like the appropriate response for bringing a little girl into this world.  I have found that I personally need a conduit to outlet all my ideas somewhere because heaven knows my wife's ears get worn out!

As I write, my wife sits on the other side of our sectional couch.  HGTV's Fixer Upper is on, and as we watch Chip make his jokes and Joanna make her plans as they make other peoples dreams come to life while their own come to fruition along the way; I think we can't help but  be inspired at our very core.

I'd like to think that's what a Sanow is: a dreamer.  I mean, it's either that or a funky German name I have no real trace towards.  I'd like to think that this is a chance to share thoughts, poetry, goals, advice and create conversation and community.  I'd like to think my wife and I will both have a voice, as we dream, as we hope, as we think of countries we'd like to live in and things we want to start and the type of people we want to be.

Why not bring our daughter into an adventure?  Why settle for being a boring man and letting my child have all the dreams?  Why not resurrect my own sense of imagination?  I'd like to think that I will be the best father I can possibly be if my heart is alive.  I will admit, that writing has grown to be one of those dreams.  Writing for me is what music or art is for another.  I'd like to think that I can paint, sing, and move a person by connecting with written words that move and touch the soul.  I'd like to think your heart and mine can connect as if we are sharing coffee and having a conversation, and that this will be that platform.

So here is to being a Sanow.  Or whatever crazy weird last name you have.  Here's to having a  dream.  Here's to sharing dreams, not keeping them exclusively our own.  Here's a shout out to my wife, my daughter; the two beautiful girls that have my heart.  To Zuri, I haven't met you yet.  Already you have changed my life for the better.  You have my heart sweet daughter of mine.

In order for that heart to be in the best shape it can be, I'm going to go for it, by risking and failing and getting back up as I try to tell a story along the way.